Where did he go?

Last week on Preston's birthday I had posted I would have to get back with a newborn picture to help us all reminisce about how fast he was growing up. I honestly forgot about it until today. And, it is so funny that is when I remembered because today was not a good day between Preston and me. In fact, all week has been bad. Don't be alarmed. We are fine. But, the terrible twos are here. And, thankfully I have been through them before so I know they pass. However, I am sure we all think this the second time around, but I swear these moments are worse with Preston than with Jackson. And, we all know how I don't choose favorites (or try not to.)

Now, please hear me out. It is really difficult for me to open up about this part of my life and my children's lives because in the past when I have it has been used against me and them later. I want to protect my children from that. And, some people have then gotten a preconceived notion about my children that there is "something wrong with them." There's nothing wrong with either one of them. They are typical and normal. I am a million percent sure about that. It is just hard to open up about this because some mommies never see the bad or wrong in their children. Or, if they do, they hide it from other people. I have NEVER understood that. All it does is make other people feel bad and uncomfortable. And, it also makes that mommy unpopular with other mommies. Who wants to have playdates with other seemingly "perfect" children all the while feeling like every issue that arises is your child's fault? Noone that I know.

So, please don't think bad of me for typing that I want to put Preston up for adoption right now. I love him still..probably even more than I did before he acted like this. Still, I am regretful in saying I hate that I feel like I am wishing his life away by waiting for these "twos" (really it should be called twos and threes) to pass.

Taking all that into perspective, let me share with you these pictures of Preston on his birthday (well, I think the smiling one was 1 day old.) He is so cute. I remember how I was left all alone at the hospital with him so everyone else could help with Jackson. As hard and scary as that was, I remember feeling how bonded I got with him so fast. I also remember how proud of was of myself for being such a good mommy. I really was fine and didn't need any help. I could do it, and some people had really made me question whether I could over the years. So, my time spent with Preston in these photos was so special to me. I am wondering tonight if God reminded me to pull these out to remember those times. Preston really is such a wonderful, energetic, adorable, lively little boy. In reality, I wouldn't trade his fits for anything.

Happy 2nd Birthday, baby (again!) I love you so much, and I am sorry we are in a rough patch. But, we'll get through it. And, no matter how upset I get at you, I still love you with all my heart.